The best man's speech was quite good. Burgess has been around since the dawn of time, but it seems that they've known each other even longer than that. I've been to a lot of weddings where the speeches were respectable, but none as heartwarming and uplifting as this one. It brought me to tears man. I blame him for the ruining the rest of my make-up and the destruction of my fake eyelashes.
So without much more ado, here is his speech (he stole the blue parts from the internet):
First off, I'd like to thank the Verner and Liu families for throwing this beautiful wedding. Let's give them a round of applause…
A wise man once told me the best man's speech should last as long as the groom makes love… thank you ladies and gentlemen… (sit down)
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Burgess - I have known Jimmy for about 17 years now and I have the great honor of being the best man tonight. I was pretty much appointed this job since the 6th grade. I remember when I first met Jimmy in middle school, he was freakishly tall, kinda nerdy, goofy looking, ridiculously pale… I guess not much has changed since then…
One of my earliest memories of Jimmy was when we were in middle school playing flag football., and one of the larger kids decided to knocked me over instead of taking my flags, and just as soon as you could blink, Jimmy was right behind him, knocking his ugly butt out of the way.
I learned 3 things that day. (#1) Do NOT mess with Jimmy. (#2) Do NOT mess with me, when Jimmy is behind me. (#3) that Jimmy is a loyal and good hearted person. And it's because of these attributes that I've remained close friends with him since. This is ALSO why I believe he will be a great husband to Jennifer.
If you've ever hung out with Jimmy and Jennifer, you'll know within the first five minutes that they are perfect compliments for each other. For example, Jennifer loves to cook and… Jimmy loves to eat! Jennifer loves to make blankets, and Jimmy gets cold often… like a little girl.
It's no secret that Jimmy and Jennifer were high school sweethearts. Ever since the day they met, anyone who knew them, knew that they were destined to be together. So we waited…. aaaand waited…. And waited and waited and waited…. …. And waited. And in just 12 years of dating… Today our waiting has come to an end.
In closing, I've come up with a little poem that I think sums up marriage quite nicely.
The perfect groom is gentle, never harsh, cruel, or mean.
He has a beautiful smile and keeps his face so clean.
The perfect groom likes children, and will raise them by your side.
He'll be a good father and husband to his bride.
The perfect groom loves cooking, cleaning, and laundry too.
He'll do anything in his power to show his love for you.
The perfect groom is sweet, writing poetry from your name.
He's a best friend to your mother and kisses away your pain.
He'll never make you cry or hurt you in any way.
And if this poem stands to be true,then Jimmy, you really are gay.
Ladies and Gentlemen, let's all raise our glasses, and wish them all the love and happiness a couple can ever have. To Jimmy and Jennifer!